how absurd

Are you ever frapped hard by this extraordinary feeling that maybe you are at the wrong place. That you were not supposed to be here and somebody out there made a shocking mistake and you have ended up here. Then you feel like laughing at the absurdity of it all. What is the point? You are given some 90-100 years [ if you are unlucky] to delude yourself with a mirage which doesn’t even exist. I mean what point is there in liking something which is not even there… to be happy to have something which is not yours at all and which you actually never had. What is the point in suffering when you are hurt… when somebody lets you down or when nothing goes your way and surviving becomes tough, when you know that after spending your counted years in this place, you wont even know that this happened to you ever. You won’t even know if it was a dream you saw.
Can the things get more absurd? I mean you go through the acute pain of living life when at the end of it you are not even living it. This is all just a dream being weaved… an illusion created to keep us involved in the petty delusions.
And they tell me you are supposed to go through it again and again. I mean, if you believe in incarnation, and you should because it’s very convenient…. you would know what I am talking about. The mother you would give your life to, who knows you inside out and who held your hands when you were learning to walk, will vanish one day and you would be left with this stupid feeling of loss and the big question about how you are going to deal with it. But the Reality[?] is that there isn’t a mother… What mother are you talking about? Some soul had been given the role to fulfill the unreal role of being your mother…and that soul doesn’t even realize that it was ever a mother to this person who is staring at the sky looking for solace and wondering how to deal with his loss. For It, You don’t even exist. It can be somebody else’s mother now and love him exactly the same way it did to u... or it can be a stupid animal… or a man wandering down the street. Where is your mother? She never existed… Like you don’t exist…
You wont remember how much money you earned a 100 years later…or who made you cry…or who took what from you. It would all dissolve in the dark intimidating Universe. It would never exist. It’s all a role play… we are puppets. We are entertaining Them. They decide what happens in our lives. They play with us. Cocteau is right when he says Life is an infernal machine…
And since it is all a movie, we don’t really exist. We are simply characters in their story. When it’s over, the films would disappear in the murkiness of this hungry universe. And we would start our next role. We would suffer all over again for things which don’t matter…which won’t last, all over again.

How absurd is attachment then? Isn’t it completely irrelevant and stupid? To be attached to people and things those are not really there? It is all like that bowl of delicious food in front of a hungry kid that disappears when he touches it. To want things in this world and to want people belonging to you would end in the same disappointment. The world is a delusion. It’s DECEPTION. And since its deceptive, to believe in anything and anyone around you will make it more painful. Attachment will kill you because you die wanting something which is not there and hence can’t ever belong to you. You die suffering and then in your next role, you don’t even remember what you suffered for… It’s so absurd…it’s funny…

The only way is to count your years and watch your step. If you don’t touch anything and are not touched by anything, you just may end up Happy [?]